I didn’t book a boudoir session because I felt confident. I booked it because I was tired. |Singapore boudoir photography studio

By Pin-up Rebel Ms B

(Photos are from The Pin-up Rebels’ portfolio and are for illustrative purposes only. They do not depict the writer.)

When I finally booked a boudoir photoshoot in Singapore, it wasn’t because I felt good about myself.

It was because something in me was tired.

Tired of flinching when someone took a photo.Tired of adjusting my posture without thinking.Tired of carrying old voices in my head long after the people who spoke them had moved on.

When I spoke to Mary, a highly experienced boudoir photographer in Singapore, I expected to discuss lighting and outfits.

What I didn’t expect was how clearly she saw the story beneath my hesitation.

As we talked, I found myself telling her things I’d never said out loud.

How when I was ten, my grandmother pinched my cheeks in her kitchen while preparing Chinese New Year goodies and laughed, “You’re getting chubby! Better watch out, or no one will marry you.”

How at fifteen, wearing my first sleeveless dress, an aunt leaned in and whispered, “Cover your arms they’re big, and the ah peks will stare at you.”

How at twenty-five, at a family gathering, a cousin joked, “You’d be so pretty if you were taller.”

None of these moments felt traumatic at the time. They were said lightly. Almost lovingly.

But as Mary listened, she helped me see something I had never connected before.

These weren’t isolated comments, and they were lessons.

And I had spent years living as though my body was something to manage rather than inhabit.

Suddenly, so much made sense.

Why mirrors made me uncomfortable.Why shopping drained me.Why the idea of standing in front of a camera, even in a specialised women’s boudoir photography session, felt impossible.

It wasn’t vanity holding me back, it was conditioning.

Mary didn’t tell me to “just love myself.”

She said something far more unsettling, and far more freeing: “Those voices don’t belong to you. They were handed to you.”

For the first time, my self-criticism didn’t feel like truth.

It felt like inheritance.

I almost cancelled because I’m not photogenic (yikes!)

The night before my shoot, I stared at my wardrobe and nearly cancelled.

Most of my clothes were black, probably eighty percent of them, practical, no-fuss, the kind of outfits you wear when your days are spent in classrooms and staff rooms. Comfortable dresses, easy tops, sensible layers. Clothes designed to help me move through the day… not be seen.

Not because I was shy about lingerie, but because I’ve never been photogenic.

I’m the woman who blinks in group photos.The one who somehow looks awkward when everyone else looks natural.

I told Mary this during our call, half-joking, half-bracing myself.

Thankfully she he didn’t rush to reassure me.

She simply said, “That’s not a face problem. That’s a safety problem.”

It landed unexpectedly because she was right.

I don’t photograph badly.

I tense up when I don’t feel seen.

I wore an oversized sweater and it became my favourite look

I didn’t arrive with elaborate lingerie sets or a carefully curated wardrobe. What I felt most like myself in was an oversized sweater that is soft, loose, slipping gently off my shoulders.

I almost apologised for it because I felt quite cincai (hokkien slang for ``anything goes"), like I hadn’t made enough effort.

Mary smiled and said, “That’s perfect.” I'm glad she didn’t try to turn me into someone else.

Instead, she built the shoot around who I already was, something I now realise defines truly good intimate portrait photography in Singapore.

The sweater became the centre of the session.

Bare shoulders. Natural movement. Soft light.

The images weren’t glossy or staged.

They were raw. Intimate. Almost documentary-like, exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for in a boudoir photography experience especially in conservative Singapore!

For the first time, I didn’t feel pressure to be photogenic.

I only had to be present.

I didn’t expect to cry, but I did!!!

I thought the emotional part would end with the shoot. But it didn’t.

When Mary revealed my photos after my session, I was simply surprised.

I looked beautiful. Not in a magazine way. In a real way.

And then something in me broke open.

Because what I saw wasn’t just a woman in lingerie.

I saw the girl I used to be, the one who spent years picking herself apart without realising the cost.

The tears weren’t about the photos. They were about the time.

The years of shrinking without noticing I was doing it.

It felt like turning to that younger version of me and finally saying:

I’m sorry I believed those voices instead of protecting you.

This wasn’t just empowerment photography.

It was emotional repair.

I started laughing more after that

The change wasn’t dramatic but it was human.

I noticed my shoulders relaxed more easily. I laughed louder. I stopped bracing myself when someone took out a phone. Candid pictures? Sure why not!

I still have off day I still catch myself criticising sometimes.But now I notice it, and that alone changes everything. I don’t feel perfect, but I feel more at ease in my own skin.

I started choosing people differently after that

Something else changed and it surprised me.

After the session, I became more mindful of the people I spend time with.

Not in a dramatic “cut everyone off” way. More like… my body started giving me clearer data.

I began noticing who spoke to me with encouragement, and who disguised judgement as “just joking.”Who left me feeling lighter and who quietly drained me.

Mary and I even laughed about it during one of our chats. She said, “If a person, experience, or purchase is going to cost you more than therapy… don’t do it.”

It was funny, but it is kind of true.

Because once you’ve experienced what it feels like to be seen with respect, it becomes harder to tolerate spaces that make you feel small.

I realised I’m allowed to have standards in my relationships, the kind that protect my energy, not just my schedule.

I hesitated over the money — then I realised what I’d been doing to myself

I won’t pretend I didn’t think about the cost.

I did.

I thought about the five years of horse-riding lessons I paid for without blinking only to realise later my kids actually hated it.

I thought about the new iPhones I bought for my siblings because I could help but one was sold for cash, and the other relationship changed in ways I won’t get into here.

And that’s when something landed in my chest: I had never questioned whether they were worth it.

Only whether I was.

This wasn’t about money.

It was about permission.

This boudoir photography session with The Pin-up Rebels became the first time I treated my own wellbeing as something that mattered just as much as everyone else’s.

This isn’t about photos. It’s about changing the story you live inside.

I didn’t walk away with just beautiful images.

I walked away with a different relationship to myself.

A quieter inner voice.A softer gaze in the mirror.

I didn’t become someone new.

I returned to myself.

I didn’t do this because I was confident.I did it because I was done living at war with myself.

If that’s you too, start the conversation with Mary, a respectful female boudoir photographer in Singapore who understands that this is about more than pictures. <3

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Psst. The Pin-up Rebels offers pre-session payment plans, it helped me a lot with budgeting.And for the first time, the loudest voice in my head finally sounded like mine!

I want to know more!

Disclaimer:

This article is written from a client’s personal perspective and reflects her individual experience. The client has provided written consent for her story to be shared. At The Pin-up Rebels, we hold privacy in the highest regard and only publish client stories with explicit permission and care.